Week 50 of 52...part two...

Wednesday 19th December...

            Have you ever been so sure that a decision is the right thing to do...then as soon as you have done it you wasn't so sure any more...I had a few emotional days this week...after eleven years at Hallmark and quitting a few years ago only to be talked into staying...yesterday I gave my two weeks notice...I felt so sick and nervous all day...our district manager spent the day with us and I didn't want a confrontation with him and my manager so I left my notice in our communication book at the registers as I was leaving for the day...yeah I chickened out from talking to my manager...and I still haven't talked to her...she was off today...I work with her tomorrow...

            I didn't sleep last night...but nothing new there...all night I tossed and turned...did I do the right thing...is it the Christmas season that's making me feel like this again...for the last two or three years around this time I swear I am not going to work work another holiday season...I am going to be 60 years old in just a few weeks...and to be honest I just don't want to keep climbing ladders...I am getting to be afraid of falling off onto the cement floor...and I don't want to keep hauling heavy boxes around...and the customers...did I mention the customers at this time of the year...some of them can be brutal...

            I worked today and was still nervous about my decision...but as the day went on I knew I had done the right thing...I am very comfortable with my decision...

            What I am going to miss is my coworkers...I have made some good friendships over the years...from my little high school girls that graduated and went off to college and came back on breaks...to young moms and to more mature ladies like me...I am going to miss some of the regular customers that have been shopping at the store since we opened eleven years ago...

            I know it is going to be an adjustment being home everyday...but I think I can do it...I know I can do it...it's very emotional right now and I don't know what it is going to be like leaving on that last day...but I will be okay...

Thursday 20th December...

            I worked with my manager today...long story short...I am now unsure what to do...I am considering just stepping down from my position and working a couple of days a week...

Friday 21st December...

            ...after another conversation with my manager...step down...less money...same work...THE DECISION STANDS...my last day at Hallmark will be December 31st...I will be okay...